


The Roommate Chronicles

by AncientMinister



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Also Luigi is shoehorned in, Also her nickname is Lilith because why not, Bickering, Bowser is the best and worst parent in the world, Dark Samus being an adorable psychopath, F/M, Friendship, Game Night, Humor, I shove them all in a room and force them to play board games, Junior is just confused by everything, Meta Knight Lucario and Snake are still Subspace buddies, Monopoly (Board Game), Palutena is the definition of wrong place wrong time, Ridley is a sadist and he knows it, Romance, They play Uno because why not, Until he gets his own chapter, Usually at the same time, Whatever else you expect when you have 70+ of the biggest personalities in gaming under one roof, Wolf is just done with everyone, Yellow Inkling is nicknamed Three because haha I've totally played a Splatoon game right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18483262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AncientMinister/pseuds/AncientMinister
Summary: Putting over 70 of the most famous video game characters in history under one roof is bound to end in disaster. Some roommates become friends for life, others feel like killing each other, and some fall in love. This is the account of what happens behind the doors of the Smash Mansion. Just a series of short stories written for fun. Enjoy! Cross-posted from FF.Net under EyeofAmethyst07





	1. Purpose (Wolf and Dark Samus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which two villains manage to share a heart-to-heart without murdering each other.

Wolf had given up wondering if the door to his room in the Smash Mansion would be blown open by a sphere of dark Phazon energy. It had happened enough times before that it really was more of a question of _when_ rather than if.

The renegade fighter pilot sat cross-legged on his bed, getting ready to clean his blaster and sharpen the vicious blade attached to it. His blaster was something of a source of pride to him, especially considering how useful it was in battle. Besides, he still had a few minutes before his next scheduled match with Link. He could never remember which one was which, now that there were three of them. There was the cartoon one, the kid one, the blue one…

_*rumble…*_

Wolf felt a tremor shake the foundations of the entire mansion, and he paused his cleaning for a brief second to turn on his reflector, casting a purple ring of protection around him. As soon as he did, the door to his room literally exploded in a shower of blue light and shards of wood. Wolf was left unharmed, thanks to his reflector. He didn't even glance up as a vaguely humanoid figure floated in through the smoke left in the decimated doorway, a deathly blue glow surrounding her.

"Bad day?" asked Wolf, not turning off his reflector to make sure his roommate didn't try to vaporize him with one of her energy blasts. His casual question was met with an unnatural shriek of rage and frustration that would have made anyone else's skin crawl.

"Don't give me your sass," snapped Dark Samus, tendrils of blue Phazon curling around the still-steaming mouth of her black arm cannon. "I have half a mind to eviscerate every living soul in this mansion."

"Just another Tuesday for you, isn't it?" Wolf smirked as he heard Dark Samus scream in rage and let loose a barrage of plasma missiles in his general direction, each offensive projectile deflecting off his protective barrier. The room shook from the force of the explosions, but nothing was destroyed. After their room had been trashed the tenth time, Master Hand had decided to completely redesign the room with reinforced steel walls. It saved money in the long run.

"I will _atomize_ you, O'Donnell!" screeched Dark Samus, her clawed hand curling into a fist as the smoke cleared from the room. "I do _not_ need your smart remarks! Not today."

Wolf finally glanced up from his blaster and turned off his reflector, so he could look his roommate in the eye. Her blue visor had stopped glowing as her rage settled down, so he could actually see the pair of venomous electric blue eyes that glared at him. "So, what happened?" he asked calmly, reaching into one of his pockets to pull out his blade sharpener. "Someone rub you the wrong way? Captain Falcon flirt with you?"

"Of course that steroid-munching lunatic tried to court me," Dark Samus said with a dismissive wave of her arm cannon. "I repaid him by checking him back into the infirmary."

"Missile in the face?"

"Grapple beam up the ass."

Wolf gave an impressed whistle. "You're a wonderful sadist, aren't you?"

Daruk Samus allowed herself a chuckle, but her mirth was short lived as her anger returned. "Jury's out, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that I lost my match against that infuriating pink puffball."

"Which one?" asked Wolf as he began disassembling his blaster to clean the components. "The sleepy one or the destroyer of worlds?"

"The _sleepy one,_ dammit!" snapped Dark Samus, slamming her fist into a steel wall in sudden anger. "This is unacceptable. I am an unstoppable force of primal energy, and I can't defeat a pink marshmallow?"

"Take the hit, train harder, come back stronger," Wolf said with a shrug, fiddling with his cleaning supplies. "I've told you this before, Lilith."

"Don't call me that," snapped the Phazon doppelganger, a hint of embarrassment poking through the anger in her voice.

"Remind me who exactly decided to name themselves that?" asked Wolf with a smirk, reassembling his blaster and holstering it. The lupine leaned back onto his bed and cast a casual glance at Dark Samus, who glared back at him with an intensity that could destroy suns. A while back, Dark Samus gotten tired of simply being called Samus' "evil clone". So, in an effort to distance herself, she had searched for a new name and eventually settled on 'Lilith'. Apparently, it was a name that traditionally was associated with the devil, which was something Dark Samus was more than willing to have associated with her.

Of course, she had quickly come to her senses about how childish the idea was and dropped the silly name before anyone could find out about it. Somehow, Wolf had figured out the name she had chosen for herself and now called her Lilith whenever he could. Never outside their room, thank goodness, but that didn't mean she had to tolerate it. Never mind the fact that she actually _did_ kind of like how 'Lilith' sounded…

"I digress," Wolf said with a chuckle, bringing Dark Samus from her thoughts. "I've seen you come back from rougher hits than this. What's your problem?"

Dark Samus sighed and moved over to her bed (also made of reinforced steel) and took a seat on its edge, lifting her head to meet Wolf's stare. "I am Metroid Prime," she said eventually, her synthesized voice now a bit quieter. "My only desire is to become stronger by defeating my enemies and consuming their energy. I cannot accept defeat, not ever. Victory is the only thing I live for; without it, I have no purpose."

Wolf frowned, maneuvering a claw between his teeth to pick out a bit of lunch that was stuck in there before responding. "That's your first problem," he muttered, squinting at the fleck of meat he'd pried out of his mouth before eating it.

Dark Samus bristled, and the tip of her arm cannon began crackling with energy. "Ex _cuse_ me?" she hissed, death glowing in her eyes. Wolf met her stare evenly. _I've seen a lot worse than you, woman._

"You have a fire in you, Lilith," said the renegade pilot. "I like that. Single-minded determination and relentless will can make up for a lot of faults. The problem is, a one-track mind destroys itself."

"Quit talking like a scam artist," Dark Samus growled, her veins glowing with Phazon. "Tell me what the hell you're talking about."

Chuckling, Wolf sat up and flexed his claws, watching the gleam in the dim light of their room. "Victory's the only reason you fight, correct? To destroy your enemies?" the mercenary asked, and Dark Samus humored him with a nod. "Who are your enemies?"

"Everyone," Dark Samus hissed, annoyance creeping back into her voice. "Metroids are the only lifeforms strong enough to survive. All others are nothing more than energy pockets meant to sustain us."

"Right," said Wolf, rolling his eyes. "So, let's say you kill everyone. You win, absorb everyone's energy, and no one's left but you and your… metroids."

"That sounds _wonderful,"_ said Dark Samus, and Wolf cocked a brow at the somewhat dreamy expression that had crossed his roommate's face. It passed quickly, though, and her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What's your point?"

"My point," continued Wolf, "is this; what happens next?"

"What?"

"If your only purpose is victory, and you achieve victory," Wolf said, tilting his head and looking at Dark Samus dead in her eyes, "what happens to you? What'll you do when there's no one else to beat?"

"The universe is infinite," Dark Samus replied. "There will always be someone else to consume."

"And if you can't find them? Odds are you'll just find parsec after parsec of empty space."

Dark Samus went silent. The light from her Phazon blood dimmed, and Wolf could see her two gleaming eyes narrow in confusion. "Then… I…" The mutated lifeform huffed and crossed her arms in a way that made her seem more like a person instead of a ravenous murderer. "Fine. I'll admit I haven't thought _that_ far ahead. But it doesn't matter. Victory is victory."

"Victory doesn't mean much if there's nothing left for you afterward," Wolf said, rubbing his head with one of his paws. "Once you've fulfilled your only purpose, it won't take long for you to fade into nothing. Take it from me. There's nothing I would like more than to decimate Star Fox and show that group of self-righteous rookies who the best pilot in the galaxy _really_ is."

"So why haven't you?" asked Dark Samus, genuine curiosity hidden behind her synthetic voice.

"Because then there wouldn't be anything left for me to do," replied Wolf, and he was pleasantly surprised to see Dark Samus tilt her head in confusion. "If I prove I'm the best once and for all, there'll never be a challenge for me again. I need that thrill of competition; it's the only thing I care about. That and money, of course."

"You lose _on purpose,"_ Dark Samus said incredulously, "just so you can keep losing over and over again? What kind of villain _are_ you?"

"One who wants to survive," Wolf replied with a scowl. "I enjoy what I do, but I won't be able to do it anymore if I win. The same goes for you. You enjoy consuming energy, but you'll wither away once there's nothing left to consume."

"And what exactly am I supposed to do with that information, O'Donnell?" snapped Dark Samus, her visor lighting back up in quiet anger. "You're telling me I'm doomed to destroy myself and there's nothing I can do about it?"

"You've really only got three options," Wolf replied. "The first one would be to just ignore what I've said and to run yourself into the ground."

"Appealing," said Dark Samus dryly. "My other options?"

"Option two is to do what I do," Wolf continued. "Lose so that you never have to cope with what comes after winning."

"Not a chance. I enjoy siphoning the energy out of living beings too much for that."

"I'm sure," Wolf said with a raised brow. "That would leave you with option three, which I'm not sure you'd like either."

"Try me."

"Alright. You have to find something else that you care about."

Dark Samus' eyes narrowed, and she rubbed her head with her non-cannon arm. "Something I care about…?"

"You need to find something you like doing just as much as sucking the energy out of your victims," Wolf clarified with a quiet scoff. "Basically, if you have something else you care about besides winning—something else that you can't live without—you'll always have a purpose even after you've vanquished your enemies or whatever." Dark Samus' brows furrowed in confusion.

"Find… another purpose?" she asked, and Wolf was surprised by how genuine her confusion was. It was as if she hadn't _ever_ thought about anything except destroying her enemies.

"That's the gist of it," Wolf said with a sigh, standing up and straightening his jacket. "Well, this has been a lovely chat, but I have my next match coming soon and I need to get ready. I trust you won't blow down any more doors until I get back? You know how much I love watching you destroy our property."

"Go fuck yourself."

"Only if it pleases you, Lilith."

"I will _castrate_ you, O'Donnell."

"You'll _try,"_ Wolf quipped as he walked through the exploded doorway. Dark Samus scoffed and shook her head once the fighter pilot had left the room. Now that he was gone she could actually give serious thought to what he'd told her about _finding another purpose_ or whatever that was supposed to mean.

 _Something that I couldn't live without,_ Dark Samus thought with a frustrated frown. _I don't even do anything besides fight, train, and terrify my enemies in fits of psychotic rage. I suppose terrifying people_ is _fun, but that wouldn't be possible after I annihilate everyone!_ Dark Samus huffed in annoyance. _Being a sociopathic murderer is harder than it should be._

Dark Samus got up and paced back and forth in the space between their two beds, the tips of her feet barely skimming the steel floor as she floated back and forth in distress. _Stupid Wolf. This is all his fault. I wouldn't be having this existential crisis if he hadn't decided to open his mouth. I was much happier as a mindless killing machine._

Well… that wasn't entirely true. Wolf was a cocky prick that got on Dark Samus' nerves more often than not, but for whatever reason she was willing to tolerate him for longer than anyone else. If there was a reason for that, she'd have to guess it was because of how casual he acted around her. Other Smash fighters, even the other villains, typically gave her a wide berth and a number of terrified stares. They acted like she was nothing more than a savage murderer who only delighted in destroying lives (never mind if that was true or not…).

For whatever reason, Wolf was different. He knew she had a bloodthirsty psychotic streak in her, but he just held normal conversations with her as though she were anyone else, and not the mutated monster the rest of the world saw her as. That was what confused Dark Samus the most, because she _knew_ that she was the monster that everyone thought she was. She had destroyed, murdered, stolen, and done many other unspeakable things that justified everyone being terrified of her. Wolf, somehow, just pretended like that didn't matter. She could go on a tirade about the specifics of how she'd like to dismember a certain opponent and, instead of giving her a weird look and ignoring her, he would humor her and give suggestions, even if most of the time they were in a joking manner.

Wolf treated Dark Samus like an actual person, and that was something she hadn't even realized she'd wanted until he'd given it to her.

 _Maybe Wolf can be my purpose,_ thought Dark Samus, not realizing how oddly sentimental that sounded. _Not that I actually, you know, care about him at all or anything like that. It's just that I enjoy our little talks, despite all the death threats I give him. Maybe I'll keep him alive when I consume everyone in the universe. Just to see if that'll help. if not, I could always kill him anyway. Yeah…_

Dark Samus sighed and shook her head. _My head hurts. I need to go murder something. Captain Falcon's probably out of the infirmary by now…_

The bloodthirsty Phazon clone floated out of her room in search of her next conquest on the road to worldwide destruction, and for some reason she felt idiotically optimistic about her chances of survival. At the very least, she'd have someone to talk to when it was all over.


	2. Recreational Hazard (Meta Knight and Lucario, ft. Snake and Luigi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a four-way friendship is almost destroyed by a card game.

Meta Knight made his way down the stairs and through the door that lead to the Smash Mansion's game room, and what he saw inside was as chaotic as normal.

In the corner, Pit and Kirby were playing some Duck Hunt on an old tube TV that Robin had found, and the actual Duck Hunt dog barked at the screen while his duck companion covered its head with its wings and quivered in fear. Ike, Chrom, Mario, and Sonic surrounded the billiards table, and off to the side Bowser and King K. Rool were in the middle of an arm-wrestling match. Walking past all of that to the back of the room, Meta Knight came up to a four-person card table and hopped up on a seat. He glanced up at the clock, which read _2:58,_ and sighed dejectedly as he realized the rest of the table's seats were unoccupied.

 _Is no one in this mansion capable of being on-time?_ thought Dreamland's knight to himself, adjusting the gloves on his hands as he did so. _It's two minutes until the time we agreed on for our card game, and I'm the only one here? I should have declined the offer and trained instead._

Ever since the Brawl tournament, where Meta Knight had become the indisputable champion, his skills had somehow deteriorated. He was no longer as omnipotent as he used to be; now he had to fight twice as hard to win the same fights as in Brawl. No matter how hard he trained his movements were never quite as fast or powerful as they used to be, and for some reason he could no longer glide, either. It was almost as if… as if Sakurai didn't love him anymore. Meta Knight shuddered at the thought.

 _"Don't give yourself an aneurysm, MK,"_ rang a telepathic voice in Meta Knight's head. _"They'll be here. Probably."_ The masked knight watched as Lucario walked up from behind him and took a seat to his left, her amber eyes glowing in the way that they did when she used her Aura abilities to speak with people.

"Forgive me for wanting to be punctual," Meta Knight said. "However, I only arrived at the table two minutes before the scheduled time. I took your advice and decided to be a tad more laid-back this time."

_"Mhm. Sure."_

"You sound doubtful. Why?"

 _"Because I'm your roommate,"_ said Lucario with a tilted head and a half-grin, _"so I know that you left our room at 2:25. You probably stood outside the game room door for half an hour before walking in."_

Meta Knight huffed and tried not to look guilty. "At least I agreed to come," said the armored puffball. "I had every right to refuse your offer like I normally do."

 _"I was wondering about that,"_ said Lucario with curiosity simmering in her voice. _"What about this instance was so special that it made you say yes?"_

Meta Knight was in the middle of deciding whether or not to tell the truth about his motives for coming when two new voices from behind him interrupted his thoughts.

"Good to see you, Luca." Snake greeted the fighting/steel type Pokémon as he settled into the seat across from Meta Knight. "I see you managed to get the hermit to crawl out of his hole."

"Don't-a be like that, Snake," chided Luigi as he took the last available seat in between Meta and Snake. "I'm-a sure Meta Knight had his reasons for a-turning us down."

 _"I told you it could be done,"_ replied Lucario with a small smile, tilting her head at Meta Knight. _"I'm persuasive when I want to be."_

Meta Knight frowned under his mask. "Yes, by all means, please keep speaking as though I'm not here," he said with an annoyed flare to his voice. "I might just change my mind."

 _"Relax,"_ chuckled Lucario, waving at him to calm down with her paws. _"Let's just get to the game already."_

"I've got the cards," said Snake, reaching into one of his pockets to grab a deck. "So, blackjack, right? I'll deal first and—."

 _"Wait,"_ interrupted Lucario. _"I think we should play this instead."_ The Pokémon tossed a different deck in the middle of the table, and everyone else gasped out loud in horror. Written on the back of the colorful deck of cards that Lucario had presented was one word;

_Uno._

Snake immediately hid under his cardboard box, and Luigi gave him a weird look. Meta Knight, on the other hand, looked at his roommate like she was criminally insane.

"Do you want someone to die today?" asked the Dreamlander with a raised brow. Lucario's reply was a pair of shrugged shoulders, which wasn't very comforting.

 _"I thought it'd be fun,"_ said Lucario, getting up and bending over Snake's box. _"And what exactly are you so afraid of, mister badass mercenary?"_

"You don't know the horrors I've seen," came a quivering voice from under the box. "That game is the devil's work. Find one of the Belmonts and get rid of it."

"Oh, a-get over it, Snake," said Luigi, and both Lucario and Meta Knight stared at the plumber in shock. The green brother was infamous for being a coward; heck, it was practically his only defining trait at times. So how was Snake more afraid than Luigi?

"You aren't concerned about what could happen if we start playing this game?" asked Meta Knight seriously. "Friendships have been ended over this game. Wars started. How are you not afraid?"

"I play a-Mario Party," Luigi said, "Uno has nothing on-a Mario Party."

"Point taken."

Lucario, meanwhile, busied herself by lifting up Snake's cardboard box and tossing it to the side. _"Seriously, what is with you and this box?"_ said Lucario as she looked down at the cowering mercenary with her paws on her hips. _"It's almost like the box is the only part of your personality that the author knows, and he's falling back on that easy gag because he's never played a Metal Gear game and is uncertain of his ability to write Snake faithfully but is at the same time afraid of receiving criticism for said ability to write characters he's never seen outside of Smash."_

Everyone went quiet and stared at Lucario.

"What in the world are you talking about?" asked Snake with a confused expression as he got up and returned to his seat.

 _"Sorry,"_ said the fighting type, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head. _"I guess I just have a thing for breaking the fourth wall."_

"The what?" asked Meta Knight.

 _"Never mind,"_ dismissed Lucario. _"Luigi, why don't you deal? You're probably the least likely to have a heart attack."_ The plumber nodded and grabbed the deck, shuffling them while everyone else mentally prepared themselves for the horrors to come.

"So, you three normally don't play Uno?" Meta Knight asked Snake.

"Nope," said the mercenary with a scowl. "We'll pretty much do any other card game. If you want a reason for this, ask your roomie."

Meta Knight huffed as his eyes shifted to the jackal in question. "I'd ask what brought on this sudden bout of sadism, but I know you well enough to know the answer."

Lucario laughed and shook her head. _"There's no way I'm a sadist,"_ she said as Luigi began dealing the cards. _"Remember my Aura ability? I get stronger as I take more damage?"_

"So what, then?" asked Snake as he picked up his cards and squinted at them. "You're a masochist, is that it?"

 _"Shut up,"_ snapped Lucario, and Meta Knight narrowed his eyes at hearing the waver in her voice. If he looked hard enough, he could see the tiniest bit of red poking through the fur on her muzzle. _"Let's just play already. MK, you have the first move."_

Meta Knight briefly considered pressing the topic further, but he quickly decided against it. Lucario had a right to privacy; if she didn't want him to know something, then he had no right to stick his metaphorical nose in her business. Regardless, Meta Knight was left curious as he tossed a green 1 into the center of the table. In spite of her playful demeanor, Lucario wasn't easy to unsettle. Any time she showed even the slightest bit of hesitation or embarrassment, it meant that something had hit too close to home.

"Sorry Luigi," said Snake, snapping Meta Knight out of his thoughts. Looking down, he saw that Snake had played a +4 card. "My hands are tied. The color's red. No hard feelings?"

Luigi glared at Snake, not looking away from the mercenary's eyes even as he drew his cards. The Italian man didn't say anything as he continued to stare holes into Snake's soul. Meta Knight shuddered at seeing the lifeless hate in the green capped plumber's eyes. _I see Luigi has fully mastered his death stare…_ Luigi played a red 6 and nodded at Meta Knight to let him know it was his turn.

The knight looked down at his cards and saw a red skip that he could use. He cast a quick glance over at Lucario, who was already studying him intently, no doubt trying to guess his cards. When their eyes met, Lucario raised an eyebrow curiously and her eyes flickered down to his cards. He knew that look. It was a challenge. She was silently daring him to skip her.

Lucario often questioned many of the things Meta Knight did; coming from a world where ten-year-olds were capable of controlling omnipotent creatures and going on transcontinental journeys, the concept of a knight's code was a tad unfamiliar to her. Every time he'd tried to explain why he treated everyone with respect or sought truth in every aspect of his life, she would tilt her head back and groan about _arbitrary rules_ and _stuffy formalities._ This also meant that every time he did a small favor for her out of basic respect (not skipping her in a game of cards, for example), she would act like there was some great ulterior motive to his actions. Meta Knight had never seen anyone so perturbed by random acts of kindness, and it fascinated him.

That didn't mean he was going to stop, though.

With a quiet sigh, Meta Knight played a red 9 as casually as possible. Lucario's eyes glowed for a brief second and she frowned down at him. Not breaking eye contact, the Sinnohan Pokémon played a red reversal card, shifting play back to Meta Knight.

 _She's testing me,_ he realized with a hidden frown. _She thinks I'll skip Luigi just after intentionally sparing her._ Meta Knight grumbled to himself and played the skip card. _She's right, damn her._

Meta Knight was too busy looking at Lucario's smirking face to notice Luigi's eye twitching as Snake took his turn. Lucario caught Meta Knight's stare and winked at him, waving a paw at him tauntingly. The Dreamlander sighed under his breath and reorganized his cards so he didn't have to look his roommate in the eye.

_This is going to be a long game._

/-\\-/-\\-/-\\-/-\

ONE HOUR, TWO TABLE FLIPS, AND THREE HEADACHES LATER

/-\\-/-\\-/-\\-/-\

 _"Well, this was fun!"_ said Lucario with a wide grin as she gathered up the cards and began to put them away. The three males at the table only grumbled and grunted as they rose, nowhere near the level of enthusiasm that their fourth member was displaying.

"I was-a wrong," murmured Luigi, his eyes unfocused and dazed. "Uno _is_ worse than-a Mario Party."

"Yes," agreed Meta Knight with a sigh. "At least with Mario Party it's only random. In this demonic game, _everything_ is intentional."

"I'm heading down to Doc's place to get some aspirin," Snake said as he rubbed his forehead, groaning like he'd been stabbed in the gut. "Luigi, you comin' with?"

"Yes," agreed the Italian quickly, standing up and dashing over to the mercenary's side. "I'll-a take two whole bottles of it." With that, Snake and Luigi both made for the exit of the game room trying to look like they weren't running for their lives.

 _"Drama queens!"_ Lucario called out to the receding pair with a playful grin. _"Come back next time and don't act like wimps!"_

"NEVER AGAIN," shouted back Snake shortly before he and Luigi disappeared through the doorway on the other side of the room. This meant Meta Knight and Lucario were the only two left at the table, and the chivalrous swordsman could almost feel his roommate preparing some witty comment. I'd better say something before she can go on one of her analysis sprees.

"Lucario," implored Meta Knight, turning his puffy body to look the jackal in the eye, "please save us both the trouble of a headache and don't read into my decision to spare you in a card game. I've explained my code of chivalry enough times that you should be well aware of the motives behind my actions. It is not personal, but instead a common courtesy."

 _"So, you do have another motive for all this,"_ muttered Lucario in response, as though she hadn't listened to a word the knight had said. She had a rather annoying habit of doing that. _"You know I have to drag it out of you now, MK."_

"No, you don't," sighed Meta Knight. "I've just informed you there was _no_ ulterior motive."

_"Which means there is one. Obviously."_

"So… the lack of an ulterior motive is proof that there _is_ an ulterior motive?"

 _"No,"_ clarified Lucario with a playful wag of her finger, _"you_ saying _that there isn't an ulterior motive is proof that there is one."_

"Your logic baffles me."

Lucario knelt in front of Meta Knight to look him in the eye, her twin amber eyes glowing. The masked puffball did his best to keep his thoughts and emotions shielded, but he wasn't sure if that would actually protect him from his roommate's Aura readings.

 _"I've known you just long enough to figure out when you're trying to save your pride,"_ said Lucario, tilting her head to the side a bit as her eyes continued to glow. _"I'm not asking you to spill your innermost secrets, MK. I just want to get to know you better is all, and you're making it very difficult."_

 _Okay,_ thought the Dreamlander. _Not the answer I was expecting, I'll admit._

"In what way?" asked Meta Knight cautiously, not wanting to get ahead of himself. He could never be too careful around Lucario, considering how easy it was for her to take one thing he said and twist it around until it matched whatever insanity she already thought about him.

 _"You're very closed off and business-oriented, for starters,"_ Lucario admitted with a pensive shrug. Meta Knight was beginning to get the idea that she was just as confused as he was about where the conversation was headed. _"I'll admit, it took some time for me to warm up to you after we met during the whole Subspace incident. That was when you interrupted my meditations and challenged me to a fight, if you're having trouble remembering."_

"I needed the Halberd back," said Meta Knight nonchalantly. "I wasn't afraid to go through you in order to get it."

_"Ha! We both know I let you win, MK."_

"If that's what lets you sleep at night, I'm in no place to correct you." The pair shared a comfortable chuckle, and Meta Knight felt the beginnings of a smile creep onto his face as Lucario continued.

 _"Then there's things like the card game just now,"_ said the jackal, her fluorescent gaze flashing pensively. _"I noticed something about your behavior, and before I even had a chance to ask you about it you tell me that it meant nothing and that I shouldn't make a fuss out of it."_

"It _was_ nothing," protested Meta Knight adamantly, and even he had to admit that he was starting to sound a mite desperate. Opening himself up to people was not a thing Meta Knight was very comfortable with, if the mask he wore every waking and sleeping moment of his life wasn't enough of an indicator.

 _"You and I both know that isn't true, but that's beside the point,"_ Lucario said, slipping a paw to her cocked-out hip. _"I live with you, MK. I've been around you for much longer than anyone else here besides Kirby and DeDeDe, and I've shared quite a few personal things with you since the beginning of the Brawl Tournament."_

That was true, Meta Knight had to admit. Lucario was the person he spent the most time around whenever he was at the mansion for one of the tournaments. If he had to pin down a reason for that, the Dreamlander would have picked the air of independence and self-reliability that she exuded every minute of every day.

Many of the fighters in Smash seemed like they needed someone to feel justified—which wasn't a bad thing by itself. The dependence shared between the Mario brothers or the Donkey Kong family, for example, was completely positive. It was just that Meta Knight could relate more to a person who took care of themselves and only reached out to others when absolutely necessary, and Lucario fit that bill perfectly.

 _"So… do you kind of understand what I'm saying?"_ asked Lucario with a tilt of her head, breaking the lingering silence that had grown between the two of them. _"About wanting to get to know you better?"_ Her voice was oddly rich, like she put great emotional importance on the words she was saying. Meta Knight wasn't quite sure why he noticed that.

"No…?" replied Meta Knight carefully, as though it were a trick question.

Lucario rolled her eyes and sighed with a smile that looked rather forced. She reached up with a paw and patted the top of the knight's round body. Despite how demeaning the gesture was, Meta Knight felt something pleasant flutter inside of him for a bit before promptly squashing the feeling flat.

 _"Oh, Meta Knight,"_ Lucario said with a fond shake of her head, taking a moment to stand back up. _"Have I ever told you how adorable you are when you're being oblivious?"_

Meta Knight narrowed his eyes in a confused squint. One minute they're talking about memories of things they'd done together in the past, and suddenly he was missing some big point? _And since when have I ever been 'adorable'?_ "Oblivious?" he asked. "Oblivious to what?"

 _"That's for me to know and the readers to speculate about,"_ said Lucario with a playful wink, sauntering her way over to the game room's exit. _"I think I'll head back to our room now. That Uno game took a lot out of me."_ Meta Knight followed her, trying to ignore that little fluttering sensation that was sticking around for much longer than he was comfortable with.

"You're not making any sense at all, Lucario," said the Knight as he struggled to keep up with his roommate's longer strides. "I thought you were trying to interrogate me. What's with the sudden lack of interest?"

 _"Oh, I'm still going to interrogate you, don't worry,"_ replied the jackal in an upbeat voice. _"Just not now, because I realized something."_

"And what's that, pray tell?"

Lucario turned to glance down at Meta Knight, and her smile went all the way to her eyes. _"That I'm very lucky to know someone as selfless as you, and I figured I at least owed it to you to back off. If only for a little bit."_

"Er… thank you?" said Meta Knight as the pair continued on their way, not quite sure how he was supposed to take that. _I will never understand what makes her tick, will I?_ he thought. _She'll just continue to be this fascinating, elusive creature who feels the need to stick her nose in my business even when I'd rather not talk to anyone at all._

Meta Knight hated to admit it, but he didn't mind the idea of having to put up with Lucario every day as much as he thought he would. For some reason, that thought made him smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of my favorite levels in Brawl's Subspace Emissary were the Battleship Halberd's Interior with Lucario, Meta Knight, and Snake. For some reason, I really liked seeing the three of them together and I found their companionship very believable, so this is my mini tribute to them. Luigi is here too because why not and Lucario's a girl because Smash doesn't have enough of them and it's a Pokémon so I can does what I wants.
> 
> Luigi and Snake will get their own chapters later on since this was mostly focused on MK and Lucario, nobody worry.
> 
> Make sure you keep telling me your thoughts and sharing some ideas for future roommate pairings! I am willing to do romance stories, but that'll probably only happen if I really buy into the pairing. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Gods Among Us (Ridley and Palutena)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a goddess tries to cope with the fact that she has a willing psychopath as a roommate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning for minor graphic descriptions? Nothing too intense, but this chapter does feature Ridley, so I don't know what else you'd expect...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, they had everything before them, they had nothing before them, they were all going direct to Heaven, they were all going direct the other way.

In short, it was lunchtime at the Smash Mansion.

 _This is_ not _what I thought I'd signed up for,_ Palutena thought as she ducked under a flying slice of pizza. _Silly of me, in retrospect. What else could I expecting but chaos?_

Palutena sighed tiredly as she looked down at her food, absentmindedly stirring her soup with a quiet sigh. Somehow, she managed to block out the sounds of the massive food fight that was rampaging around her head. She really just wanted nothing more than to eat by herself, because she was tired. Tired of having to drag Pit and Pittoo out of danger every day, tired of having to fight every day, and tired of having to live with her roommate every day.

The Goddess of Light just wanted a moment to herself, something she should have been able to get during lunch. Unfortunately, there were only two places Master Hand allowed the fighters to eat: the cafeteria, or in their rooms. The cafeteria was a perpetual war zone, but that was honestly a sunny picnic in Skyworld compared to what lay waiting in her room. _With my luck, he's probably on his way down here just to irritate me some more,_ thought the goddess with a quiet scoff.

As if summoned by her very thoughts, Ridley walked up to the table and took the seat right across from Palutena. His reptilian eyes glowed with the satisfaction of cruelty, and his tail lashed behind him excitedly. Palutena kept her eyes firmly on her food, hoping in vain that ignoring the Space Pirate would discourage him and finally get the hint through his thick skull that she wanted nothing to do with him.

"Come now, Palutena," hissed Ridley, his voice equal parts amused and threatening. He dragged his claws across the table, creating an ungodly screeching noise. "Where are your manners?"

"My manners are reserved for creatures who deserve them," Palutena said coolly, idly poking at her food. "Not for bloodthirsty monstrosities."

 _"Monstrosity?"_ said Ridley in false hurt, placing a claw over the scarred scales of his lanky chest. "So unbecoming of you, pretty Palutena."

The goddess did her best to keep any color from showing on her face. It was harder than it should have been.

"How in the name of Sakurai did you find out that nickname?" asked Palutena tiredly, finally looking up to meet Ridley's hideous self-satisfied smile. "You've been talking to Hades again, haven't you?"

"What can I say, the god has a knack for mass murder," Ridley said casually, as though he and the lord of the Underworld were casual golfing buddies. "As the Cunning God of Death, it's only natural that I seek to learn from others of my craft."

"And what craft is that, exactly?" asked Palutena, glaring at her roommate's insufferable grin. "Wait, don't remind me. I'd almost forgotten you were a mindless monster maintaining malicious manifestoes of mass murder."

"Impressive alliteration," Ridley remarked, raising a scaled brow. "In fact, it was so impressive I almost was willing to overlook the glaring flaw in your indignant little tirade."

"Did I stutter?" asked Palutena dryly, pausing for a moment to sip a small spoonful of succulent soup **[I'm sorry, it's just too easy].** "Or are you denying the fact that you're a mass murderer?"

"Oh, I'm quite fond of murder, that I won't deny," said the Space Pirate with just a bit too much pride for Palutena's liking. "I'm rather offended by the 'mindless' remark you made, though. I'll have you know an _immense_ amount of planning goes into my murder sprees."

Palutena sighed and pushed her food away. _Looks like I won't be getting to eat in peace anytime soon._ "What else would you call it?" asked the Goddess of Light. "Anyone with a spark of humanity in them wouldn't be killing the way you do."

Ridley shrugged. "Semantics."

Palutena groaned and rolled her eyes. "You know, you've suddenly given me reason to respect Samus more."

"Oh? And how's that?"

"She has to deal with two lunatics from an insane asylum as villains."

Ridley allowed himself to laugh, and Palutena suspected he only did it because he knew how much his laughter grated on her nerves. "I'm sensing some confusion of terms, Pali," said the Space Pirate with a chuckle hiding in his voice. "You see, there's a distinct difference between Dark Samus' kind of murder and my kind of murder."

"How do you figure that?"

 _"I_ murder because I think its fun," Ridley said, rubbing one of his wingtips idly. _"She_ murders because it's her only defining character trait."

"And how exactly is that any better?" Palutena asked with a scowl. "Murder is murder. Suddenly you're supposed to be on my good side because it's a conscious choice for you?"

"But that's not the _point,"_ Ridley countered. He paused for a minute to catch an airborne apple and devour it whole before continuing. "The point is, I'm not insane like my fellow villainess. I'm in full control of my actions."

Palutena sighed and abruptly stood. This was an argument they'd had countless times before, and she wasn't really in the mood to humor the sadistic dragon-spawn any longer than absolutely necessary. "I'm done having this conversation, Ridley," said the Goddess as she turned to leave. "Killing because you think it's fun isn't a reason at all. You're just like Dark Samus, like it or—" Palutena would have finished her sentence and left, but she yelped in surprise as a clawed hand wrapped around her throat and slammed her face-down on the table. She involuntarily dropped her staff in her shock and, while she wasn't being choked, Ridley was surprisingly quick to pin her limbs in place.

The sadistic dragon lowered his scaly snout and growled in the Goddess' ear. "You're really pushing my patience, Palutena. Normally I'd be more tolerant, but I haven't killed anything today and I'm starting to seriously consider gorging myself on your intestines." Disgust and repulsion shudder through Palutena as she felt the Space Pirate's breath on the nape of her neck. "I'm _nothing_ like that Phazon-obsessed energy parasite. I don't _need_ to kill, I _want_ to. That means I savor it, get inventive with it. You know how I killed Samus' parents? It wasn't a quick skewer with my tail or roast with my flame that ended them. It took a long while before their screaming ended and the fun stopped."

Anger flashed in Palutena's mind, and it helped her focus long enough to teleport out from under Ridley and rematerialize right behind him. She picked up her staff and whacked him violently across the head, causing the dragon to lurch forward in surprise. The Goddess of Light drew back for another swing, but Ridley recovered quickly and seized her staff with his claws, leaving the pair at a standstill. While anger and fury burned in Palutena's eyes, her blood ran a few degrees colder as she saw Ridley's expression. Unadulterated cruelty and sadistic joy gleamed in the reptile's eyes, and his snout was twisted into a noxious grin.

 _Even Hades has some form of restraint,_ Palutena though through her anger. _But this…_

"Tell me why I'm supposed to care about this," Palutena grunted as she pushed her staff against Ridley's pushing. "Why are you getting hung up on what kind of killer you are?"

"Why does Joker send a calling card to his victims?" countered Ridley as he continued to push against her staff. "Why does Donkey Kong have his own rap? Because it's what defines me, Palutena. Every time someone decides to antagonize me, every time someone thinks they can hold their own in a fight against me, they need to know what they're dealing with. They need to know that I'm capable of choking them with their own entrails while I char their legs into blackened stumps before biting their heads off."

"Don't flatter yourself," Palutena grunted. "You're just another self-absorbed maniac who's convinced himself that his killing sprees are some virtuous undertaking."

Ridley's grin made the transition from cruel pride to sadistic insanity with practiced ease. "I know full well I'm not virtuous," growled the Space Pirate. Palutena jumped in surprise as she felt her back hit a wall suddenly; she hadn't realized she'd been stepping back, and she tightened her grip on her staff. "I just think it's about time you stop imagining me as a cartoon villain and realize that I'm more than capable of shredding you into strips of blood and flesh."

"I wouldn't give you the satisfaction," Palutena spat between her huffs of exertion as she strained against Ridley's pushback on her staff. "Your ego's so inflated already, it's a miracle you can fit in the mansion."

"What can I say?" replied Ridley with a dry chuckle, leaning his snout closer to her face. "I've hit the big time."

Palutena teleported several feet away from Ridley this time, determined to not repeat her last mistake. It so happened that Ridley learned from the last experience as well, and he immediately whirled around and bared his fangs at the defiant deity.

"Go terrorize someone else for once," snapped Palutena, her exhaustion and frustration boiling near the surface. "Doesn't this get boring? Just harassing the same person every day and getting the same indignant response out of them? I though you only did things because they're fun."

"This _is_ fun," Ridley said with a short bark of laughter. "It's really rather adorable, seeing the lengths you'll go to just to prove that you hate me."

"Don't say things like that," Palutena said, wrinkling her nose. "Next thing you know, the hormonal teenagers who read these things are going to be shipping us."

"Oh, don't worry," Ridley said, eyes narrowing as his grin grew wider somehow. "I hate you with every fiber of my being. I'd _love_ to peel your skin off and suck the marrow from your bones, but then we'd have to bump this game's rating up to M."

"Then why, Ridley?" Palutena asked with more desperation slipping into her voice than she would have liked. "It can't just be because you want to murder me, because you want to do that to _everyone."_

"True," mused the dragon, putting a claw to his chin in facetious thought. "You want to know the real reason you've enraptured me, hm? A simple 'why not' won't do it for you?"

Palutena held her silence, scowling at the dragon's hideous grin. _I'm not even going to justify that with a response._

Ridley laughed at her defiance. "If you insist," said the Space Pirate, and his eyes still glowed with violence despite the mirth in his voice. "It's because you're supposed to be this pure embodiment of light, Palutena. You can imagine how tempting it is to try and taint you whenever possible."

The Goddess in question blinked in surprise. "That… that's it?" she asked. "You harass me just because I'm a Goddess of the Light? Not for any other reason at all."

"Well," Ridley tilted his head to the side and grinned. "You _are_ my roommate. What kind of host would I be if I threatened to kill everyone _except_ the person I live with?"

Palutena scoffed and shook her head. Really, she shouldn't have been expecting a straight answer out of the dragon in the first place. This was _Ridley,_ after all; famed sarcastic sadist that made his way into Smash Bros. by mutilating Mario and Mega Man and blowing Samus' ship up.

Still, it was sort of interesting that he saw her as nothing more than a passion project, a pretty piece of art to defile just to prove that he could. In a way, that almost made Palutena feel sad for Ridley, knowing that the only thing he took enjoyment in brought sorrow for everyone around him, knowing that he'd never truly be happy even if he killed every person on every planet in the galaxy. People like that had holes in them. Palutena knew that from her experience with the other gods in her own game universe. Viridi, for example, mercilessly teased everyone she cared about (read: Pit), but only because she felt insecure about herself and whether or not people would accept her. Basically, she put down others before they ever had a chance to put her down.

 _So, what does that say about Ridley?_ mused Palutena internally. _Ridley kills everyone he sees so no one can do it to him first? That doesn't sound quite right…_

"I can see the wheels turning in that head of yours, Palutena," said Ridley, dragging the Goddess from her thoughts. "I've seen that same look in Samus' eyes during our first few encounters. You're looking for a _reason_ why I'm like this. You figure that since I'm such a deranged monster, something _had_ to have happened in my childhood or something to mold me into the sniveling villain I am today."

"It's not the most ridiculous idea in the world," Palutena said defensively, a little off-put by how easily Ridley had been able to read her expression. Perhaps as an aftereffect of hanging around Viridi too much, Palutena crossed her arms. "Most effects have a cause, you know."

"Well, I'd hate to be the wrench in your best-laid plans," Ridley replied with a snort, "but nothing happened to me. I'm a psychopath by ,em>choice, which means there's no redeeming me. I don't _want_ to be redeemed. There's no childhood trauma you could remind me of or therapy you could put me through to make this go away. I am absolute. I guess that's where we're the same."

 _"What?"_ asked Palutena, skepticism heavy in her voice as she put her hands on her hips and hunched over.

"You're an absolute too, Pali," Ridley clarified. "Just on the other side of the spectrum. You were born from Light, and you'll serve it until the universe implodes on itself. But, since everyone thinks the Light is so good no one ever asks _you_ if something happened in your childhood to make you that way."

"Of course," retorted Palutena, recovering some of her wits. "People don't question it because my birth defect is purifying souls. Yours is dismemberment."

"Among other things," Ridley admitted with an insidious grin. "So, long story short, I'm obsessed with harassing you because I know I can do it forever. I'll try to taint and wound and kill you 'till the end of time, and you'll try to purify and convert and pacify me 'till the end of time. It's a fun cycle for gods to take, isn't it?"

"Self-declared gods don't count."

"My nickname in the Boxing Ring stage begs to differ."

Palutena groaned audibly now, more than fed up with her roommate. "I'm done with this," proclaimed the Goddess, spinning on her heel and stalking out of the cafeteria. "Just leave me alone, you depraved psychopath."

"See you around, _Goddess,"_ spat Ridley with false reverence. "I'll be sure to fillet your intestines next time you try to mouth off."

 _I'd like to see you try,_ thought Palutena in defiance, a confident grin growing on her face as she continued to put distance between herself and her roommate. _I'd like to see you try._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? A pairing that doesn't actually end up hinting at a ship? Yeah.
> 
> I love shipping the Smasher together as much as the next literarily-inclined hormonal teen, but I wanted to showcase Ridley as what he is—Nintendo's best villain. Ganon is the iconic embodiment-of-evil baddie and Bowser is the loveable baddie/goofball/antihero (at least in the RPGs), but Ridley is Nintendo's true villain. No storybook obligation, no slightly quirky and redeeming qualities, just a relentless killing machine through and through. In nearly every Ridley encounter in the Metroid games (and even his boss appearance in the Emissary), he does everything possible to catch Samus off-guard and tilt the fight in his favor however he can. He's just unrelentingly, unforgivingly brutal, and I love him for that. Pitting all of that against the smug high-and-mighty Palutena was a fun experiment.
> 
> As always, tell me what you think! Future roommate pairs are always gratefully received, and I looooove feedback!


	4. Artistic Liberties (Bowser Jr. and Yellow Inkling, ft. Bowser, Wolf, and Lilith)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which an aspiring artist tries to hide the rather obvious heart he's painting on his own sleeve.

In a building as crowded as the Smash Mansion, maintenance was an inevitable problem. Master Hand and Crazy Hand had written several letters to nearly every fighter. In these letters, the Hands would write a list of things that inconvenienced the Mansion staff. For Wolf and Dark Samus' room, for example, it was the fact that their furniture was destroyed every other day, and that was _with_ the steel reinforcements. It wasn't expensive, sure, but having to buy a new door seven times a week would be straining anyone's sanity.

For Bowser Jr.'s room, it was the fact that by the end of every week, the room and everything in it was saturated with layer upon layer of paint.

To be fair, it couldn't really be helped, given his roommate. The yellow Inkling girl who'd been assigned to den with him needed paint on the walls and floor just for comfortable living, not that Junior minded. He'd been an avid painter ever since his father's trip to Delfino Island; it was a great way to express himself whenever he couldn't find accurate words for what he wanted to say (which happened often), and it was fun to just whack away at a canvas and see what stuck.

Junior, who was currently in his room and was busy painting, felt his face get a little red as he glanced over at his roommate. Everyone else called her "Yellow", but Junior had only ever known her as just "Three." Apparently, she used to be a super-secret agent back in her own universe, and "Agent Three" had been her codename. For whatever reason, the young inkling insisted that he call her something different than everyone else. Knowing that she had a special name only he was allowed to use made his chest fill with warm little parakoopas. It also didn't hurt that his inkling roommate liked his paintings and was always so cheerful whenever they talked and tilted her head in that adorable way whenever he explained what his paintings meant…

Right now, Three was lying down on her back with her stylized headphones on, listening to that weird babble music that came from her universe. To him, it all sounded the same, with its punchy beats and high-pitched vocals, but Three never seemed to get tired of it. She had her eyes closed, and she bobbed her head around every so often to the beat. Junior knew it was on beat because she always listened to it so incredibly loud that he could hear it even when on the other side of the room.

Pushing any further thoughts about his roommate out of his mind, Junior returned to his painting. The prince re-adjusted the bandana he always wore up to cover his mouth. He was in the middle of painting his Koopa Clown Car, although it wasn't an exact one to one recreation. The imagined version of his beloved fighting vehicle had much more firepower: a rocket launcher here, a spike cannon there.

Junior never really liked painting things that actually existed. What was the point in painting a chair or a tree if you could just look at it in real life, or just take a picture? In his mind, painting was for imagination and emotion, not realism.

This was why, as Junior flipped the painting of his dream Clown Car over the top of his canvas, he found himself stopping in place and staring at what lay beneath. It was one of his few incomplete paintings; one he'd been working on for nearly two months. The subject? As one might guess, it was of his roommate Three in what was essentially her signature pose on the bed. Head resting on the pillows, headphones on, eyes closed, smile on her face, one leg bent up and the other crossed over it. If that wasn't a summary of everything Three stood for, then Junior didn't know what was.

The problem was, it felt like something was off. Objectively, Junior's self-taught brushwork was both sublime and extremely accurate. The bright splashes of color on the wall in the background were captured beautifully, and Three herself was an extremely faithful representation of what she actually looked like. Despite that, whenever Junior looked at it, it felt… odd. Something about it made him uneasy, and he just couldn't bring himself to change it, lest he make a mistake and make everything worse somehow.

_"Attention. The brawl between Wolf and Yellow Inkling on The Great Plateau Tower will begin in five minutes. Will the contestants please make their way to the character selection area? The brawl will begin in five minutes."_

Junior stole another glance at his roommate. Like always, Three was completely oblivious to the world around her, still bobbing her head to the music in her ears. Rolling his eyes, the young prince put his brush away and walked over to the side of Three's bed. He almost didn't want to disturb her, she looked so content and peaceful. Regardless, Junior tapped Three gently on the shoulder, and her eyes popped open immediately. Confused bliss drowned her sun-colored eyes before they lit up in recognition and (maybe?) joy at seeing him.

"Hey! she chirped. The inkling's voice had a distortion to it that Junior thought was really cute, like she had some water stuck in the back of her throat. Three slipped her headphones down to around her neck and sat up to look him in the eye. "What's fresh, Junior?"

"You have a match coming up, dummy," said the koopa prince, shaking his head fondly. "You can't be late for another match! They'd kick you out of smash forever!"

Three grinned and tilted her head a bit. "You're not worried about me, are you?"

Junior—barely able to admit his feelings to himself, much less to the girl in question—went on the defensive. "No! I just don't wanna have to deal with a new roommate, is all…" Laughing, Three bounced to her feet and started hopping up and down on top of her bed with a giant grin on her face.

"You're just a big softie!" proclaimed the inkling, mashing her cheeks together with her hands.

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are! Junior's a softie, Junior's a softie, Junior's a softie…!" Three continued teasing him with her sing-songy tone, and Junior tried his best to keep the blood from glowing in his face.

"I'm not a softie!" protested the prince, stomping his feet on the ground. "I'm a super-evil villain, like my papa! _You're_ the softie!"

Three giggled, did a flip over his head, and landed on the floor behind him. "Of course I'm a softie, you silly lizard!" she said. Just as Junior turned to face her, she lunged forward and wrapped the prince up in a big hug. Junior's entire face lit up red, and his heart started doing a calisthenics routine against his ribcage. He was trying _really_ hard to not focus on the lemony scent that filled his nose and the fuzzy warmth that was clouding his mind.

"L-leggo…" mumbled Junior halfheartedly. Three's breath tickled the nape of his neck as she wiggled her head, halfway nuzzling him.

"I'm just glad you're a softie, too." The whispered words made Junior's blush worsen. An enormous weight dropped onto his lungs, forcing the prince to draw shallow breaths as his heart rate continued to skyrocket.

"Th-three…" he stuttered. He was sure that if he could see them, his hands would be shaking. "I-I-I… um…"

Three pulled back from her hug, just enough so she could look him in the eye with a curious expression. "Yeah?" An odd wave of warmth washed over the koopa kid, bringing him equal parts anxiety and exhilaration. Something warm and frantic bubbled at the base of his throat, on the verge of pushing its way up and out past his lips and—

_"Attention. The brawl between Wolf and Yellow Inkling—"_

Both youngsters jumped at hearing the repeat of the announcement, releasing the hold they hand on each other. Junior shook his head and cleared the warm haze around his mind as the gentle, caring expression on Three's face shifted into one of immediate panic.

"Oh, Zapfish!" the Inkling cursed, and she ran over to the foot of her bed to grab her Splattershot just before making a break for the door. Once there, Three hesitated for a second to smile back at Junior. "Hey, we're still on for recon tonight, right?"

"Y-yeah, totally!"

"Great! See ya then, Junior!"

With that, Three bounded out of their room and headed off to her match, leaving the young Koopa prince alone with nothing but himself and an odd warmth that blossomed in his chest. _Why am I being weird about this? Three's just my friend! But… why do I feel like my face is on fire?_

Junior sighed and put his head in his hands. _This is going to be a long day._

/-\\-/-\\-/-\\-/-\

It was lunch time now, and Junior still didn't know what to make of himself or his feelings.

 _Okay, so maybe I have a crush on Three,_ thought Junior as he got his meal and went to sit down at the table that he and his father usually ate at. _It's not a big deal or anything! Villains are allowed to have crushes, so it's okay if I have a crush on Three. Which I don't! Probably!_

_…right?_

But, if he didn't… then why was he feeling so nervous just thinking about her? Why did remembering her smile make him feel stupidly happy? Why did hugging her make him feel like all he wanted to do was pull her close and never ever let her go? He didn't know, and Junior didn't like not knowing things.

"Hey, what's your deal?" Junior was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of his father's gravely voice. Bowser, who had just finished sucking down an entire turkey leg, squinted his fiery eyes down at his son. "What's with the face? You look like you just tried eating one of Peach's cakes."

"Nothing, papa…" mumbled Junior, hoping his father would just drop it and leave him to wallow in his confusion.

Bowser, to no one's surprise, wasn't about to let this act of rebellion stand. "Nothing, my tail! If you don't tell me what's wrong, I'm gonna have to roast it out of you."

"Nothing's wrong, papa!" Junior insisted, hoping that if he denied it enough his father would just give up.

"Are the Koopalings giving you trouble?"

"No."

"Are you losing your brawls?"

"No."

"Is your roommate giving you any trouble?"

"No, papa!" shouted Junior, involuntarily raising his voice as the interrogating hit a little too close to home. "She's not giving me any trouble!"

That was the wrong thing to say. Bowser grinned widely and leaned over the table to get a better look at his son. Junior slumped in his seat under his father's excited stare.

"She?" asked Bowser with a chortle. "It looks like you've got a little princess of your own now, Junior!"

"Papaaaaa!" cried Junior, covering his face in embarrassment. "It's not like thaaat!"

"GWAH HA HA!" The Koopa king tossed his head back in laughter. "That means it definitely is! You've gotta tell me all about her."

"Papaaaaa," whined Junior, thumping his head onto the table. "Whyyyyyy?"

"So I can help you!"

Junior's head snapped up. He met his father's stare with his own wide eyes. "What?"

"Yeah!" reassured Bowser. "I mean, let's be real. I'm not gonna have much luck with Peach. I'll keep trying, but my chances pretty much ended when she left me on the moon. Probably before then."

"Um… okay?" Junior wasn't exactly sure how his father's experience in getting turned down was supposed to help him sort out his own feelings…

"I just figured I could help you," Bowser said earnestly. "If I won't get the girl, then my son definitely will!"

"B-but I don't even know if I like her like that, papa." Junior sighed and rested his chin on the table in a gesture that was as pathetic as he could make it.

"Quit saying that!" snapped Bowser, slamming a closed fist on the table. Junior didn't flinch; growing up with Bowser as a father got him used to random physical outbursts. "We'll decide if you've got the hots for her later. Just tell me about her already!"

So he did. Junior told his father everything he could about Three. He told him about the time they'd first met and she'd accidentally set off a splatbomb in his Clown Car. He told him about the time they'd started one of the cafeteria's food fights in a war against the Mario bros. He told him about how good of a fighter she was, that her results were good enough to put her in high tier! He told him about all the times he and Three had gone on recon missions, where they'd spy on other roommate pairs and theorize about whatever relationship they had. He told him about the way the room lit up every time she smiled, like a second sun. He told him about the cute little puckered face she made whenever Junior took her by surprise with one of his playful pranks. He told him how awesome and confident she was. He told him about how skilled she was with a paintbrush and the gorgeous masterpieces she'd make. He told him about how cool her skin was to the touch and how nice she'd smelled when they'd hugged and how happy he'd felt when they'd had their arms around each other and the warmth that had bubbled up in in his chest and the feeling he'd had that made him just want to hold her close forever and maybe dip his head in so he could k—

"Alright!" barked Bowser, interrupting Junior's rambling. The young prince hadn't realized he'd been babbling for that long. "I get it. You like her, bud."

"I-I do?"

"You're comparing her to the sun, Junior. You're smitten."

"O-oh." _So, I_ do _like her… wow…_ Junior felt the warmth in his chest pulse a little brighter, although the reassurance was mired by a touch of doubt. "So… what now, papa?"

Bowser crossed his arms and squinted his eyes in concentration. "Hmm… gotta play this right… can't go for a straight kidnapping… maybe for a ransom we could…" The koopa king muttered more idle threats against his son's crush as he pondered the predicament. Junior simply watched in fascination. It wasn't often he got to see one of his dad's brilliant planning moments, so it awed him to see the genius of his father's brain do its thing right in front of him!

The koopa prince jumped in surprise as his father suddenly mashed a palm into his fist, presumably in victory. "What is it, Papa?"

Bowser leaned down over the table so he could grin at his son at eye-level. "I've got a plan."

/-\\-/-\\-/-\\-/-\

When Junior returned to his room, Three was in there waiting for him.

"Hey, Three!" he said cheerily. His voice was much steadier now that he'd had time to practice stamping down the warmth in his chest. "How'd your brawl go?"

"It went great!" said the yellow Inkling with a happy jump. "I wiped the canvas with that fishin' space dog! You shoulda seen me, Junior!"

The koopa kid chuckled in what he hoped was a casual manner. What was he supposed to say back to that? _Sorry, I couldn't watch your brawl because my papa and I were busy scheming on ways to get you to like me and we couldn't come up with anything that didn't involve kidnapping so I'm just winging it now?_ Probably not the best idea in the history of the universe.

Thankfully, Three was excited enough that she barreled on without waiting for a response. "Yeah, but anyway," she said, shrugging her shoulders and hoisting her Splattershot. "You ready for recon?"

"Y-yeah, just gimme a sec," Junior stuttered, brushing past Three on his way to his canvas. "I just gotta get my bandana real quick." He'd gotten in the habit of leaving it in his room during lunch, if only because getting food on it meant he'd have to do his laundry more often. Never mind the fact that having it on his canvas got it dirty with paint, but such is life.

As the young prince brought the piece of cloth up to his face and began the adventure that was trying to tie the knot around his head, he heard Three start giggling behind him. He tried to ignore it in lieu of concentrating, because tying his bandana's knot was a nightmare with his stubby little hands and fingers. After about the third or fourth time of hearing her airy giggles, though, Junior whirled around to interrogate her. "What are you laughing at?"

"You, silly!" Three said in between giggles, covering her mouth with one of her hands.

"What for?" asked the prince indignantly, his pride teetering on a rather precarious ledge. "Stop it!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," said his Inkish roommate, although she didn't sound very repentant. "It's just that you look super cute trying to tie your bandana like that."

If his pride weren't so wounded, Junior would have been reduced to a blushing mess at being called "cute" by the person of his affections. Alas, his genetic predisposition to having a hair-trigger temper was a bit more powerful than his crush. "I'm not cute!" whined the prince stamping his foot on the ground. In his tantrum, the loose knot holding his bandana together loosened, letting the fabric drop to the ground. "I'm an evil villain, and villains aren't allowed to be cute!"

As he fumed, Three's giggles faded and her smile slowly dwindled away into an apologetic wince. "I-I'm sorry, Junior," she said, rubbing her shoulder in shame. "I just thought it was a little funny."

"Well," said the prince with a snort, "it's _not."_

"Yeah…" Three bowed her head and linked her arms behind her back. Her vibrant sunlit eyes refused to leave the floor. "Um, maybe I could, y'know… help you put your bandana on? To say I'm sorry?"

Junior bent over to pick up his bandana, concealing his face behind his canvas to hide the heat rising to his cheeks. "I don't need any help," mumbled Junior as he fiddled with his headgear again. _This was stupid,_ he brooded. _She just sees me as a little brother not even as a villain stupid stupid why did I think this was a good idea you're wrong papa she doesn't like me—_

Wait.

Junior's train of thought ground to screeching halt as he felt a pair of hands wrap themselves around his own.

"Don't be like that, Junior," said Three from behind him as she moved his hands away from his neck so she could fiddle with his bandana. Her voice was soft but firm. "I wanna help you, you silly crustacean. Please let me."

Junior _hmph_ -ed and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to will the redness away from his face as his Inkling roommate swiftly came to his aid. "I don't like it when you make fun of me, Three," said the koopa prince.

"I know," whispered Three. "Your bandana's done." Junior let out a satisfied huff and tugged the front of the cloth over his mouth to hide his face before turning to face Three. The inkling was clearly giving herself a hard time, but she forced herself to meet his stare.

"Why don't you treat me like a villain?" inquired Junior, narrowing his eyes a bit more than necessary in order to hide his genuine curiosity. "My papa's the baddest bad guy there ever was! And I'm gonna be just like him!"

"But you're not just like him!" Three insisted, some fire rising in her eyes and her voice. "You're my friend! And villains aren't supposed to make friends with heroes, right?"

Junior frowned. He'd never thought about it like that, but Three technically _was_ a hero in her world… so didn't that mean they were supposed to be enemies? _But… I don't wanna be her enemy._ "No…" admitted Junior, his eyes downcast. "But… but…"

"Why do you wanna be a villain so bad?" asked Three with a head tilt, her eyes shining with the desire to understand a troubled friend.

"Because my papa's a villain!" Junior said. "And… and I… Iwantyoutolikeme."

Three blinked. "What?"

"I SAID I WANT YOU TO LIKE ME!" cried Junior before he could stop himself. His panicked cry uncorked a stream of warm emotion that bubbled up this throat and out of his mouth before he could stop it. "Papa's the coolest guy ever and I'm gonna be just like him so that way I'm just as cool as he is sothatwaymaybeyou'lllikememorebecauseyou'rejustsocoolandcuteandIdon'tknowifyoulikemeandwehadaplantokidnapyoubutitwasabadideaanywayandpleasedon'thateme—"

Junior kept blubbering mindlessly even as Three moved in and pulled him into a close hug.

"I already like you, you big dummy," Three murmured in his ear as they held each other. Junior sniffled, hoping his bandana would mask the fact that he was definitely-not-kinda-sorta-maybe crying. "You're cool and fresh just by being you."

"R-really?" asked Junior, his voice almost a whimper at this point.

"Yeah," confirmed Three, pulling back with her hands on his shoulders so she could show him her giant grin. "You're the best painter here, you go on recon with me, you never complain about my music, you're funny and really cute so there! No need to be a villain just to make me like you, 'cause I already do."

 _This must be what eating a Bob-omb feels like,_ thought Junior in a haze of warmth as pure, elated happiness rushed through his body all at once. All the stress and uncertainty of the day evaporated under this newfound warmth, and Junior felt an unadulterated joy that he seldom got to enjoy, and all because of Three.

"C-can I still be a villain, though?" asked Junior uncertainly, rubbing the back of his head. "Papa would probably disown me if I stopped being a villain."

Three hesitated for a brief moment, but her face lit up afterward. "Sure!" she said. "Just don't do it because of me, because that's kinda silly."

The koopa prince grinned beneath his bandana and put his hand in the air. "Alright!" he shouted in excitement. "Let's do some recon!"

"Sounds splat-tacular, Junior!" replied Three with equal energy, giving him a high-five.

"So, who're we gonna snoop on?"

"Wolf!" said Three with a grin, rubbing her hands together like a true criminal mastermind. "I wanna see him get all angry and grumpy 'cause he lost to me today."

"That's mean!" Junior said happily. "You're a villain just like me!"

Three bumped shoulders with him, and the look in her eyes made Junior feel like he had all he ever need in life all in one place. "You'd better believe it Junior! We're partners in crime!" she cried triumphantly. The whole thing was very theatrical, but neither youngster cared enough to stop it.

The two scrambled off to make some mischief to fill their daily quota, but they were really just happy that they could do it together.

/-\\-/-\\-/-\\-/-\

Dark Samus had given up wondering if the door to her room in the Smash Mansio would be torn open by a pair of laser-enhanced claws. It had happened enough times before that it was really more of a question of _when_ rather than _if._

Turns out that _when_ was right now.

The reinforced steel door was practically shredded in two as Wolf stormed his way inside the room, claws and fangs bared in rage. The lupine villain wasted no time in hopping onto his bed in a cross-legged position and drawing his pistol. Dark Samus never understood what his obsession with cleaning that thing was; it was a blaster with a damned _knife_ on it, for the love of the parasite queen! It was going to get dirty whether he liked it or not! Still, that wasn't her primary concern.

"Hello to you too, Wolf," Dark Samus said expectantly.

"Not in the mood," snarled her roommate, enunciating his discontent with a pouty toss of his cleaning supplies onto the bed in front of him.

"What's the matter?" she asked, determined to push his buttons. "You didn't happen to lose against one of those squid things, did you?"

"They're called Inklings, and it doesn't matter," snapped Wolf testily.

"Oh, you're doing that thing you were telling me about," Dark Samus realized, and she wracked her phazon-infested brain to remember what exactly her roommate was guilty of being. "Was it called, again? Dinner? Dinraal?"

"Stop, Lilith."

"Denial!" cried Dark Samus, letting loose a triumphant screech. "That's it! You're in denial, which means you lost!" _Damn, I'm getting the hang of this understanding-emotions thing better than I thought I would._

"Will you just shut up about it already? So what if I lost?"

"Take the hit, train harder, come back stronger," Dark Samus replied with a shrug. She knew messing with Wolf like this wasn't what a sane and empathetic person would do, but the phazon clone had a sadist streak in her a mile wide, and she was more than inclined to let it run its course every once in a while.

Wolf growled. "Don't spit my words back at me. It was a humiliating loss and I'd appreciate it if you'd get off my back about it."

"Wait," said Dark Samus, rising to into a hover and leaning over Wolf's bed a bit as a thought occurred to her. "Aren't you all about losing? Isn't that your purpose, to lose? Why are you so pissed if you lost?"

"I need to lose _intentionally_ for it to count," snapped Wolf. "This wasn't intentional. I was trying to win with everything I had, and I got bested by a teenaged squid."

"Oh," said Dark Samus. _I hadn't realized his purpose had that much criteria._ "I could go murder her and siphon every bit of life energy out of her corpse if it would make you feel better."

Her roommate chuckled and shook his head. "No need to do that," he said with a miniscule grin. "I'll get my revenge eventually." A tiny burst of pride made itself known in Dark Samus' brain as she realized that she had made him feel better, if only for a brief moment. Now, _why_ she cared about that at all was still beyond her, but she took it in stride regardless.

"I just don't like feeling powerless."

 _Wait, what?_ "What was that?" asked Dark Samus.

"Nothing," Wolf said dismissively, suddenly very interested in his blaster's blade. "Forget I said anything."

"No," Dark Samus insisted, and she saw Wolf's ears twitch in surprise. "You helped me before when I lost, so I'll help you now because you lost."

Wolf's one good eye leered at her in a sidelong glance, and Dark Samus suspected the lupine mercenary was trying to gauge her sincerity. Surprisingly, Dark Samus _did_ actually want to help him out of the goodness of her heart, for she was a kind soul who sought to pay forward the kindness he'd kindly bestowed upon her. Kindly. Or something like that. Dark Samus wasn't exactly an expert on this whole _don't obsess over killing people 100% of the time_ thing.

Apparently, she looked sincere enough for Wolf, because he sighed and closed his eye. "When I lose on purpose, it gives me a kind of power," admitted the space pilot. "It was a choice; I'm so good at what I do that I can decide the outcome of any battle I go into. When I lose… when I actually _lose…"_ Wolf growled and clawed at his now disassembled blaster. "This is stupid."

"Yes," agreed Dark Samus. "You've completely lost me. You lose, but sometimes it's okay and sometimes it's not? Please. Pick a lane, O'Donnell."

Wolf shook his head, but Dark Samus was pleasantly (wait, what?) surprised hear him chuckle as well. "Y'know, you've still got a ways to go on that learning-to-understand-others thing."

"I thought I was doing pretty well, as a matter of fact," Dark Samus said with a touch of poutiness. "I listened to you whine for a whole two minutes."

"A new world record," remarked Wolf sardonically, but the grin tugging at the corners of his lips betrayed his true sentiments. "We'll work on it. And, Lilith?"

"Yes?" responded the phazon clone, trying to ignore the part of her brain that was happy at being called 'Lilith'.

Wolf paused, as though her were picking his words carefully. "I… guess I'd like to thank—"

_THUD_

Whatever great musings Wolf had prepared were lost as the vent above their room broke open and a pair of sneaking youngsters, one with a spiked shell and the other with a squid head, tumbled onto the floor between the two supervillains.

 _Intruders!_ Dark Samus' instincts flared to life, and she felt a surge of phazon rage light up her entire body. _How dare they go sneaking around, listening to private conversations and interrupting people when they're trying to find their new purposes and making real progress!_

While the phazon clone brooded, Junior and Three jumped to their feet. The pair shook off their disorientation, got one good look at the electric murder glowing in Dark Samus' cobalt visor, and ran off screaming.

"Scatter, Junior!" she heard one obnoxious voice shout as the pair of kids made a mad dash for the exit.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" yelped the other voice in panic.

Silence. Wolf tilted his head and smirked at the sneaking youngsters made their getaway as Dark Samus seethed with rage.

"So. You want to kill 'em, or should I?"

The ungodly scream of rage that echoed throughout the entire mansion was the Metroid Prime's only response.


	5. Game Night 1: Monopoly (All 8 fighters from Chapters 1-4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which "Everyone Is Here" quickly becomes "Everyone Is Tired of Having to Deal With Each Other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three is referred to as 'Yellow' when the narration is on someone other than her or Junior. Just to clarify.

It was the weekend, just before the next round of tournament fights, which meant one thing; Game Night for floor one. The Hands decreed that every floor of 8 fighters needed to have some kind of bonding activity at least once every week. Their line of thinking was that, if any animosity were to come from the regular tournament matches, then surely a night of friendly board-gaming would rectify it!

We all know where this is going.

Two figures, one nearly twice as tall as the other, walked down the dim halls of the Mansion towards floor one's game room. The smaller of the two grumbled under his breath.

"This is an exercise in futility," decreed Meta Knight, his armor and shoes clanking softly in the empty hallway. "They honestly expect our relationship to  _improve_ after playing a board game together?"

" _That's a pretty safe assumption to make, I'd say,"_  replied Lucario, a smile already tugging at the corners of her mouth.  _"People play games to enjoy themselves. It's not so far-fetched an idea."_

"We played Uno, and three of us walked away with headaches."

" _See?"_ Lucario allowed her grin to finally break free.  _"If that's not fun, then I don't know what is."_

"You only say that because you were the one who walked away unscathed."

" _And?"_

"And I hate you."

Lucario just laughed and shook her head. MK tried very hard to hide his emotions from people, and she grudgingly had to admit that he was better than most at doing it. However, her Aura reading abilities were advanced enough that she could pluck the occasional wisp of true feeling from behind his indifferent mask every now and then. A fond pulse of pink went off inside the puffball's mind, and it warmed Lucario to her core to know that he didn't  _actually_ hate her. Sure, they had been bickering and knew not to take each other too seriously, but it was nice to have confirmation regardless.

" _Love you too, MK,"_ she finally said with a grin, knowing that the Knight would be flustered by her affection. The roommate in question simply grumbled to himself and said nothing further, but he couldn't hide the droplets of red embarrassment that blotted his aura. Feeling content with herself, Lucario opened the door to the game room, though MK insisted on holding it open for her. She could have made a smart comment, but she let him indulge his chivalry and settled for an eyeroll instead. Helping others was something that genuinely made the armored puffball happy, and Lucario knew she had no place to tell him to behave otherwise.

That didn't mean she wasn't going to tease him about it, though.

/-\\-/-\\-/-\

Wolf watched with careful eyes as the final pair, Meta Knight and Lucario, entered the game room and made their way to the table where they'd set up the board of Monopoly.  _Hm. Normally the little puffball would throw a fit if he was the last one to show up for anything. Wonder if the dog finally got him to loosen up a little._ The renegade pilot knew that it was a tad hypocritical to fault Meta Knight for being uptight, but there was only room for  _one_ brooding antihero/villain on this floor, thank you very much.

He was drawn from his thoughts as he felt a clawed hand tap his shoulder. Wolf turned to look at Lilith, who sat eagerly beside him. "Yes?"

"Can I murder the children yet?"

Wolf smirked and cast a glance over to Yellow and Bowser Junior, who were both distracting themselves with counting the starting money out for everyone and doing their best to avoid eye contact with the villainous pair if at all possible. Lilith hadn't told him what exactly she'd done to the pair of snooping kids when she'd caught them, but judging by their expressions it must have been something fantastically horrifying.  _A fearmonger after my own heart. Brutal, relentless, and unforgiving._ The mercenary stopped himself before his mind could add any more qualifiers.

"Not yet," replied Wolf, and he saw Lilith's visor flash blue in annoyance. "This is supposed to be a family-friendly get-together. I wouldn't be surprised if we all joined hands afterwards and sang Kumbaya."

"Can I murder them if I win?"

"I don't see why not."

From across the table, Palutena glowered at them. "Must you be so savage?" she asked in that high-and-mighty tone that Wolf thought she used far too often. "Can't you villains be civil for five minutes?"

"Ignore her," rasped Ridley, who was busy fiddling with his newly-distributed stack of Monopoly money. "If you keep riling her up, I might get tempted to try and tear her head off, and I was rather hoping this evening would be quiet."

"Ex _cuse_ me?" snapped Palutena furiously, though Ridley didn't flinch.

"Don't blame me. You're very appetizing when you're angry." The Space Pirate enunciated this statement with a pat on the cheek that would have been fond if it came from anyone but Ridley himself. Palutena's face grew red from barely-contained rage, but she managed to hold her silence, apparently deciding speaking up wasn't worth it.

All heads suddenly turned to Lucario, and Wolf realized that the jackal must be speaking. On a trip to Corneria, Wolf had received top-notch mental defense training meant to prevent mind-readers from probing his thoughts. Of course, this meant that he also blocked the non-invasive telepathy used by some people in the Mansion for communication. Lucario didn't quite strike him as the snoopy type; she probably wouldn't invade his privacy unless she had good reason to. And, if that  _did_ happen, he could always put his barriers back up. It pained him to do so, being such a secretive person, but he lowered his mental defenses to listen in anyway.

"— _six players,"_ Lucario was saying, and Wolf noticed her large amber eyes flicker over in his direction briefly. He bit back a frown as he realized that she sensed him lower his guard.  _She's curious now,_ he thought.  _Stupid. I can't put them back up now, or she might get even more suspicious. Play it cool._

"Only six?" asked Junior, confusion scrawled on the reptile's face as he dug around in the open Monopoly box. "But there's more than six pieces here!"

" _Those are the rules, little man. Sorry."_

"So, what'll we do?" asked Ridley, toying with the edge of the wooden table with his clawtips in disinterest. "Just have two people not play? What a tragedy."

"I could murder two people here," hissed Lilith eagerly, staring directly at the two youngest members of their floor. "Then we'd be down to six. Right?"

"I appreciate the enthusiasm," said Wolf with a chuckle, having to catch himself from calling her  _Lilith_ out loud. The last thing he needed was anyone making some ridiculous assumption based on a nickname. "But I believe we were trying to  _avoid_ murder."

Lilith pouted, though her disappointment was short-lived. "Well, at least I can murder you two  _after_ the game. I can wait until then."

"How considerate of you," deadpanned Meta Knight.

"Thank you!" Lilith, if she had a face, would have been beaming. She started muttering things under her breath, and the mercenary could only assume that his roommate was vividly describing the carnage that would befall her victims.  _I guess I'll need to help her with sarcasm, too…_ Wolf ignored the part of his brain that was pleased to have another excuse to banter with Lilith.

"The obvious solution," continued the Knight, ignoring Lilith's bloodthirsty murmurings, "is for some of us to team up. Two pairs, and four on their own."

"We wanna be on a team!" proclaimed Junior and Yellow at the same time, and even Wolf's padlocked heart had to admit they looked adorable while doing it.

" _That's one,"_ commented Lucario in satisfaction while turning to eye her roommate.  _"You want to team with me, MK?"_

"I'd rather not," admitted the Dreamlander, though it was entirely polite. "Knowing you, you have some ulterior motive to wanting to be on a team with me."

" _You wound me so,"_ lamented the Sinnohan 'mon, though she bore a giant grin on her furred muzzle. Wolf saw Ridley roll his eyes out of the corner of his vision, and he felt compelled to agree with the Space Pirate's annoyance.

"We can be the second team," proclaimed Lilith suddenly, tilting her head and turning to eye Wolf. He had been about to propose that very idea himself, but it surprised him that Lilith had been able to look past her bloodlust for enough time to even entertain the notion of teaming with him. Any emotions that  _might_ have come from that realization were promptly squandered.

" _You_ want to be on a team," said Palutena disbelievingly, speaking for the rest of the table. "Wouldn't that interfere with your plans to kill him later?"

"I don't  _want_ to kill Wolf."

Every head turned to the mercenary, which normally wouldn't have fazed him, but something about Lucario's stare pierced him and made him uncomfortable.  _Like she knows something no one else does,_ thought Wolf while he met the jackal's amber stare.  _Like she knows something_ I  _don't know._

"You  _don't_ want to kill someone?" asked Ridley, now thoroughly invested in the conversation. "That's a first. Is our resident serial murderer growing a conscience?"

"No," scoffed Lilith, as though that was the most preposterous thing in the world.

"Then why—?"

"Can we just play already?" snapped Wolf, anxious to change the subject before the conversation went in a direction that brought it too close to home. "I've got a match tomorrow morning and I could be sleeping right now. Let's just get on with it."

While the table murmured its agreement and began divvying up the player tokens between teams, Wolf noticed Lucario staring at him unabashedly. It was a rare moment when someone was willing to meet Wolf's battle-scarred stare for more than a fraction of a second. He scowled in her direction, trying to deter her, but to no avail; Lucario simply stared him down. After a few moments of awkward silence between the two of them, the jackal tilted her head and gave him a knowing smile, which was not at  _all_ what Wolf was expecting.  _What did she see in my head?_ he wondered as he held her amber stare. Lucario winked at him, and the mercenary scoffed, his worry dissipating suddenly.

_She's just trying to mess with my head,_ he assured himself. No one who actually knew anything tried that hard to make it look like they knew something.  _She didn't see anything._

* * *

_I saw something._

Lucario knew that she'd seen a quick flash of emotion in Wolf's Aura. He was much better at hiding himself from her than MK was, but Lucario had enough practice with her roommate that she was fairly skilled at realizing when someone was trying to mask their emotions. Now, what exactly that emotion  _was_ remained a mystery to the fighting type, but the fact that Wolf was hiding it from her was confirmation enough that it was something sensitive.  _He's probably a lot closer to Dark Samus than he's comfortable with,_ she thought as she double-checked her stack of money.  _I won't press him about it, though. Not yet._

" _So, who's going first?"_ she asked casually.

"I will," declared Palutena with a casual flick of her green hair. Meta Knight slid the dice over to the Goddess, and she shook them in closed palms for a moment before tossing them onto the board. They landed on a three and a one.

"Four," commented Ridley, watching Palutena move her piece forward. "Isn't that Income Tax?"

" _What?"_ screeched Palutena as she realized that her first move in the game would be throwing away $200. "On the  _first_ turn?"

"You suck at this game," said Ridley with a quickly-widening grin. Lucario could see his Aura was currently overflowing with orange sadistic glee.

Palutena was quick to whirl around and glare daggers at the Space Pirate. "Listen here, you overgrown worm, I—"

"Pass the die," deadpanned MK from beside Palutena, who was clearly unamused. "We have a game to play."

"The plural is  _dice!"_ snapped Palutena, clearly unable to let her anger go so quickly.

"Wow," said Ridley, his grin somehow even wider now. "That was uncalled for."

The Goddess of Light screamed in rage and started pummeling Ridley with her bare fists, although he was too busy laughing to launch any sort of counterattack.

"Hey, why do  _they_ get to try to kill each other and I don't?" Dark Samus asked Wolf. "Seems kind of unfair."

"It's because Ridley's an asshole," clarified Wolf calmly. "You're not an asshole."

"I'm not?"

"No. You're a psychopath."

"Right, right…"

Meta Knight and Lucario looked at each other, and she didn't have to have Aura reading to know that her roommate was reconsidering all his life choices.

"Having fun, MK?" she asked on a whim, smiling.

Meta Knight simply glared up at her with his beady yellow eyes, and Lucario soon found herself laughing.  _This is going to be fun._

* * *

Despite what the first roll may have implied, the game continued rather smoothly for the next few turns. Palutena was still faring horribly, though she eventually came around to accepting that Monopoly just wasn't her game. She barely had any properties, and her cash always seemed to be in short supply.

Her situation wasn't helped by Ridley, who seemed to only be concerned with actively sabotaging Palutena and no one else. If she bought a property of a certain color, then within the next few rounds he'd have the remainder of the set. He would only invest in houses for his properties if Palutena was nearby. And any deals they made were ridiculous.

Meta Knight pulled a modest haul, though Lucario suspected this was because of that peskily adorable tendency of his to not be able to drop his chivalry for even a moment. He played cutthroat when he was low on cash, and played nicer whenever he was ahead. The only exception to that rule was with her; no matter his standing in the game, Meta Knight would always be more forgiving towards her. She considered probing him about it, but his behavior during the Uno game before told her enough, so Lucario decided to keep her trap shut for once and be grateful.

Bowser Junior and the Yellow Inkling were struggling, though it didn't look like they minded too much. Every time they moved, they would lean over and whisper in each other's ear to plan their next move, but it never seemed to help them keep a handle on any of their cash. That was probably because Junior always accepted the first trade offer made to him, even if it was a horrible exchange. Despite that, they both seemed to be having fun.

Surprisingly, Wolf and Dark Samus were faring the best. Wolf wasn't doing much more than rolling the dice and making sure his roommate remembered that murder wasn't allowed. Somehow, Dark Samus was playing like a pro. She always landed exactly where she needed to land, and it never seemed to be more than two turns before someone landed on one of her properties. Every trade she made seemed ridiculous and stupid, but then in a few turns she'd have the rest of the property set and a spare $1000 for houses.

Palutena groaned as she landed on one of Dark Samus' red properties. "How much do I owe you?"

Wolf began rifling through their property cards to check, but Dark Samus immediately responded, "$1050."

The Goddess grumbled and tossed her few remaining into the center. "I can't pay that," she said dejectedly. "I'm done."

"Yessssssssss," hissed Dark Samus, leaning over the table and scraping together all of Palutena's money and properties. "One step closer to murder."

"One step closer to victory, I think you mean," Wolf reminded her idly, an amused lilt to his voice.

"Same difference."

Ridley leaned forward and looked at Palutena. "I'll cut you a deal to get you back in the game," he said, very much living up to his reputation as a devious pirate.

"Not a chance," spat Palutena, rising from her seat. She turned to face the non-villainous side of the table and gave them the mother of all forced smiles. "Thank you for the game. Please never invite me again." With that, the Goddess teleported away in a wink.

Ridley tossed his stack of money over to Junior and the Inkling soon after. "I think I've had my fill. Figuratively, of course."

Lucario raised an eyebrow.  _"You're giving up?"_

The dragon heaved a dramatic sigh. "It's just not  _fun_ anymore, you know?"

Meta Knight scoffed from beneath his mask. "Would that have anything to do with Palutena not being here?"

Ridley grinned, and Lucario could see his Aura spike with streaks of lime green malignance. The feelers on the back of her head quivered, and she instinctively leaned closer to Meta Knight. "Of course it would," confirmed Ridley. "You of all people should know where I'm coming from."

" _I_ of all people?" asked Meta Knight skeptically, and Lucario saw a small twinge of blue doubt swirl in his Aura. "What would I know about your obsession with Palutena?"

"I don't know," drawled Ridley, spreading his wings and casting a meaningful look at Lucario. "I thought you were well versed in the art of roommate obsession."

Gray fear washed over Meta Knight's Aura, and she saw her roommate's eyes flicker over to her for a quick second. Lucario had to force herself to keep the grin off her face, if only for the sake of the Knight's pride.  _Only MK would be scared of being accused of liking his roommate,_ she thought fondly.  _You dense doofus. I won't think any less of you for liking me._

"Just go, Ridley,"said Wolf, his Aura overflowing with boredom."We all know you just want to annoy Palutena. Leave us be."

Ridley grinned evilly and gave a dramatic bow. "Only because you asked," he said with false politeness as he stomped his way toward the exit. "Let me know who the psychopath ends up murdering. If there's anything left, I could use it as a midnight snack." With that lovely mental image, Ridley left the game room.

The gray began to drain from Meta Knight's Aura as Ridley left. Lucario gave her roommate a reassuring pat on the head and confident wink.

"I'm fine, Lucario," he muttered under his breath so as not to be heard by the rest of the table. "Whatever you think you see in my Aura, I assure you I'm fine."

" _Well, if you're ever_ not  _fine,"_ Lucario told him with a gentle smile,  _"Just know that I'm here for you, MK. You don't have to be strong around me."_

Meta Knight looked up at her, and his yellow eyes almost looked soft. "Perhaps I don't  _have_  to be strong," he admitted quietly, and for once Lucario didn't know what to make of his Aura. She nearly jumped out of her fur when she felt a gauntleted hand pat her leg. "But I want to."

Of course, Meta Knight refused to meet her gaze after the slight show of affection, but Lucario couldn't help the grin that came to her muzzle. She couldn't see her own Aura, but she'd have bet money on it being a bright, happy pink right at that moment.

" _You doofus,"_ Lucario whispered to her roommate.  _"I don't care if you're strong."_

"I know."

_*ahem*_

Lucario and Meta Knight returned to the real world as Wolf cleared his throat impatiently. "If you two are done with… whatever that was supposed to be," scoffed the canine pilot, "we're ready to get this game over with."

" _Alright, alright, keep your eyepatch on,"_ said Lucario with a dismissive wave.  _"It's the kids' turn, right?"_

"Yeah!" exclaimed Junior and Yellow, high-fiving each other, and the game continued.

* * *

Three was having the time of her life, which wasn't what she'd been expecting from a game called  _Monopoly._ It had taken a bit of convincing from Junior for her to come with him, but she ended up agreeing just so he wouldn't suffer alone. Turns out, a game about ruthless capitalism was more fun than it sounded.

She and Junior were losing, she knew, but it didn't really bother either of them. Watching Junior make deals with the other fighters, trying to haggle a better deal so he could prove how smart he was, was too adorable. Three had to keep herself from just hugging him every two minutes, because she knew that he got really embarrassed if she did that when they weren't alone.

Three was brought from her thoughts as Junior tapped her on the shoulder. He was holding the dice in his tiny hands. "Where should we go?" he whispered to her, leaning over.

"I don't know, silly!" she responded with an impish giggle. "We can't choose where we go, the dice do!"

"I know that!" protested Junior, some red sneaking into his cheeks. "I just meant… like, what should we go after?"

"Hm…" Three took a moment to think, looking over their cash and properties to calculate the best possible move. They only had $250 in cash, and their properties consisted of two oranges and one dark blue. "Ooh, I know!"

"What?"

"We should go for that other blue!"

"Why?"

"Because it's the most expensive! Obviously, that means we win if we get it!"

Unable to argue with that flawless logic, Junior nodded and rolled the dice. Unfortunately, their roll landed them right on jail the jail square.

"Awwwwww!" the pair complained as they realized their misfortune.

" _Don't worry, you two,"_ consoled Lucario while Wolf scoffed from the other side of the table.

"You'll be able to get out next turn," added Meta Knight, who had already been bought out by Lucario. Three had always thought that the little puffball was strange; he was even smaller than she was, but some of the veteran fighters acted like he was some big scary monster. The knight had announced that he wanted to stay despite losing because he didn't trust Dark Samus to not murder anybody, and Three noticed that made Lucario very happy. Well. It wasn't  _that_ obvious, but living with Junior had taught Three to know when someone was trying to hide their joy.

"Victory is at hand," muttered Dark Samus as she reached for the dice. "I will consume all your currency, your property, your will to live…" Both Junior and Three instinctively scooched away from her. Something had always made Three feel uneasy about the evil clone, like she was a walking splatbomb that could go off at any moment for no reason.

"We've talked about this," said Wolf as he idly counted their massive stack of cash. "No murder."

"I didn't say murder!" protested Dark Samus, pounding her clawed hand on the table and making every but Wolf jump in surprise. "Just their will to live. If they  _want_ to die, then it's not murder."

"That's…" Meta Knight paused to choose his words. "… not how murder works."

Dark Samus' visor flashed dangerously. "Are you a mass murderer?"

"No."

"Well, I am. I think I know more about murder than you do."

Meta Knight simply blinked, while Lucario looked mildly impressed.  _"That's…"_

" _Entirely not the point_ is the answer you're looking for," cut in Meta Knight.

" _I was going to say_ kind of a good point," admitted Lucario with an amused shrug.  _"But I guess that works, too."_

"Just roll," implored Wolf with a groan. "Please don't drag this out for longer than it needs to be. "

Whether because she listened to Meta Knight or because she was just eager to declare victory, Dark Samus scooped up the dice. "We need a six."

"What?" wondered Wolf aloud, and he sat up in his chair to better look at the board. "That would put us on a Chance space. You really want to mess with randomness?"

"It will give us $50," declared the Phazon clone. "We will be unbeatable." With that, she rolled the dice without room for further debate. Sure enough, the roll came up six, and Wolf drew the top Chance card to read its text.

"'Investment matures,'" he read. "'Collect $50.'"

Everyone turned to stare at Dark Samus, who was too busy collecting her $50 from the bank and muttering violent obscenities to herself to notice the looks she was getting.

" _You know what,"_ began Lucario slowly, her amber eyes flickering over to Meta Knight briefly.  _"I think I'm done for the night."_

"Us, too!" proclaimed Three and Junior. The Inkling wasn't at all anxious to stay alone with Wolf and Dark Samus, especially since the latter apparently had foresight as well as a vendetta against the two of them for snooping earlier. She grabbed Junior's hand, which brought a bit of red to his cheeks, and they both made a mad dash for the door while they could.

Meta Knight and Lucario were the next to rise (well, as much as Meta Knight  _could_ rise).

" _What'd you think, MK?"_ asked the fighting-type jackal as they pushed in their chairs.

"I think I enjoyed it much more than Uno," stated the armored puffball as he turned and made his way to the door beside Lucario. "I prefer games that require strategy."

" _Really?"_ inquired Lucario as they walked away. _"Did you have a strategy prepared?"_

"Of course, I did."

" _Was that strategy to let me win?"_

"Not this again. I've already told you…"

The pair walked off, the sound of their conversation trailing behind them as the door to the game room clicked shut.

"Well, that was eventful," sighed Wolf, tossing their money stack into the center of the board carelessly. "Let's never do this again. I've got better things to do with my time."

"Viiiiiiiiiictory," droned Dark Samus, her visor and veins glowing with eager Phazon energy.

"Lilith. Let's head back before you break something that isn't insured."

"Buzz off. Let me have this moment of glory, if nothing else."

Shrugging, Wolf leaned back in his chair and let his roommate do her thing. It was either going to be acting nonchalant in their room or acting nonchalant in the game room, so he really had no rush to leave. If he was being honest, watching Lilith in a state of genuine excitement that wasn't fueled by bloodlust was oddly refreshing. It almost made the whole thing worth it, which Wolf was surprised to find out.

"O'Donnell," asked Lilith suddenly, and Wolf looked up to find her staring at him intensely. The electric blue light pulsing from her visor was oddly hypnotic in an eerie way, and it took the pilot a second before he responded.

"Yeah?"

"The dog and the puffball."

"What about 'em?"

"They were arguing, but the dog was grinning. Why?"

Wolf rolled his eyes at the though of Lucario and Meta Knight.  _Those two are so obvious it hurts my brain._ "Because they like each other but can't bring themselves to admit it aloud."

"That's stupid."

"They'll get over it. I guarantee you by the end of the month they'll be doing each other."

Lilith didn't have a nose, but if she had one it'd be wrinkled. "Ew."

Wolf laughed. "Yeah."

"I've never understood the obsession you animals have with intercourse," mused Lilith as she rearranged the strewn pieces of the board. "What's the point?" Wolf made sure to keep his mouth closed until his brain had enough time to formulate a reply that wasn't completely moronic.

"Genetics, survival, feels good, blah blah blah," said the pilot as casually as possible. "If you ask me, it's more trouble than it's worth. People get too emotional."

"Wait," said the Phazon clone, stopping her rearranging and looking over at Wolf. "So, people attach emotional significance to an entirely physical act?"

"Yup."

"Hm." Lilith rose from her seat and shook her head, starting to float her way over to the door.

Wolf sighed and stood, following after Lilith. Unbidden, his subconscious briefly wondered what the Phazon clone would look like under her suit. This thought was quickly apprehended, arrested on charges of stupidity, and forcibly evicted from his mind.

"Even I'm not that dense," commented Lilith with a scoff. "Who'd be stupid enough to confuse emotions with physical attraction?"

"I don't know," said Wolf, shoving his hands into his pockets and forcing any strange thoughts about Lilith from his mind. "Definitely not me."

Somewhere else in the Mansion, Lucario was laughing her head off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what'd you think? Should I do more of these 'game night' type things, or should I just stick to the on-on-one format that I've been doing so far? I really enjoyed writing it, but lemme know what you think anyway, and keep those requests coming! I won't be able to do all of them, but it's always interesting to find out who other people liking sticking together in a room.
> 
> Happy Holidays,
> 
> AncientMinister


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